ANTICIPATING

I wonder how long I still spend time day dreaming… you and me together… just YOU and ME. But how many times do I have to tell myself that you will just be a fantasy forever. A fantasy that is impossible to come true.

I’ve been secretly staring at your beautiful and expressive eyes wishing that at least you’d take a glance at me… but you never did. I was always in the midst of getting your attention yet all of those efforts just turned unto rust. Sometimes, I just choose to pretend that you’re not around even if my pretension hides what I really feel… a feeling of longing for you… to be at your side… to be in your arm...

I hate to hear your voice, its like a creepy sound shouting at me, and I hate even more the sound of your laughter, it just makes my heart cry out. I hate the wholeness of you for its slowly killing me and putting me in vain. But the question is… do I have the right to hate you? Would my hatred matter to you? These questions linger in me every time I start my temporary madness of staring at you.

Promises are really meant to be broken. How many times did I promise that I would cease this foolishness of mine… the foolishness that makes my blood rush from my head to toe with just the sight of you? At the start, you simply became my inspiration. But my heart was broken into pieces when I saw you with someone else. You were happy and smiling. Your eyes had a different spark of bliss that I have never seen before. At that moment, I was in a corner, unnoticed, silently weeping and wishing that I was the one to give that feeling – wishing that I would just shrink and vanish forever.

When will I end this? I don’t know. All I know is that, in spite of all those things you brought me into… you make me complete. Your presence still knocks me down giving excitement and eerie pleasure. I’ll forever be your ghost lover… waiting and anticipating that someday… you’ll share your world with me. Someday.

Squall Lionheart