WONDER

A lot had been wondering kung bakit palagi na lang akong gising pag gabi nad tulog pag umaga. . . I mean, ano daw ba ako, aswang o bampira? Waaaaaaaaaaa. . . Anung klaseng tanung ba naman yan!?!?!?!

Well, to answer that question:
1. Hindi ako aswang o bampira. . . Tao parin po ako! Isang tunay at buhay na TAO!
2. Kaya ako palaging gising sa gabi kasi yan ang sked ko sa store namin. . . yup, 24 hours po na bukas ang store namin! Don't ask where at baka magpalibre lang kayo! Ahahahaha!
3. Wala naman masama kung baliktan ang habits ko di ba?
4. Nakalimutan ko na number 4. . .

Basta, yun na yun!

Realization

Hay. . . I woke up around 4 in the morning. . . Not withstanding the fact that I just slept two hours ago. . . that’s if you can really consider that as a sleep!

With the cold wind that endlessly whistles outside the window. . . I had this realization. . .

I finally realize that I'd rather lose the relationship I have than to lose my respect, honesty and love to my partner. . . Its better to lose the connection between us rather than to continue the relationship that slowly diminishes your outmost respect and care for each other. Loving unconditionally is loving without having or expecting anything in return. . .

Martyrdom? Nah. . . a little bit far from that context, what’s more important is that, what you feel for the person, and what you do to the person with or without any commitment. . . Maybe that’s how you can really measure the “greatness” of love. . . it isn’t justified by having this so called “public acceptance” or “knowledge” that you both are madly in love with each other,,, its putting into actions your care, being concerned, going beyond what the reality offers. . . Extending or stretching the unthinkable actions,,, as they say, “going beyond what is normal.” Not thinking about the sacrifices, but having that feeling of fulfillment or satisfaction for the choices we made. . .

But there’s a thin thread. . . be cautious of what I said a while ago regarding martyrdom.....sacrificing does not only means giving up something just to have the feeling of satisfaction, it also connotes “SELF DEVELOPMENT” and “self appreciation. . .” That there’s still respect, love, and honesty to oneself. . .

As what they commonly say, how can you give something if you don’t even have that something. . .

Hahaha. . . As to the conclusion of my Blog tonight??!

Nahh. . . its a nonsense. . . its up to you to deal with it. . .

05 March 2008

05 March 2008

Well, okay. . . Ang weird ngayun ng pakiramdam ko. . . Imbes na magsaya ako kasi we actually won the student election, bakit nag eemote ako ngayun? Bakit hindi ko magawang mag celebrate? Bakit hindi ko magawang tumawa?

I hate this kind of feeling. . . Kanina lang, ang saya-saya ko. . . Kaya ko pang makipagbiruan. . . But what happened? Do I really have to feel this way? But for what reason? Squall, anu ba talaga ang nararamdaman mo? Why do you have to be suddenly in pain? Shit! Hindi ikaw yan Squall. Its not the Squall that the rest of your friends and classmates used to see.

Think, Squall. THINK! Ano ba talaga ang problema moh?

Think!

Think!

Alas, I know now. . . Kanina, I really enjoyed the company of my classmates. . . I really enjoyed the trippings. . . The laughters, the jokes and the teases. . . But really, did you enjoyed it? Wala ka bang naalala sa mga ginawa ninyo kanina? Wala ka bang namiss? Meron di ba? Galing mo talaga mag tago ng totoo mong nararamdaman. . . You wear your mask too well for them not to see the person wearing the mask. . .

Okay, anu ba talaga ang bigla mo naalala?

Think. . . Think. . . Think. . . THINK!

Okay! Okay, fine! Its my freakin’ friends. . . kala ko okay na. . . kala ko kaya ko na na mabuhay na hindi sila iniisip. . . na hindi ko na sila hahanapin. . . but then again kaya ko ba talaga? Noon sabi ko sa sarili ko, kaya ko. . . and kakayanin ko. . . pero hindi eh. . . mahirap. . . mahirap palang kalimutan ang mga taong naging bahagi na ng buhay moh. . . mahirap mag move on lalo na kung yung mga taong maiiwan mo eh yun din ang mga taong hahanapin mo sa pupuntahan mo. . . that you’ll realize in the end that what you’re leaving behind is a part of your life. . .

I know for some of us, ang babaw. . . I mean, their just “friends” and you can still look for someone new. . . pero for me, hindi eh. . . for me, they’re the only friends I had na talagang nag-enjoy ako. . . na talagang sumaya ako. . . since elementary, then high school, until early college life ko, nasanay na ako na makikisiksik lang sa ibang grupo for me to have my so-called friends. . . but during my third year in college, when I was about to be used to have my self as a friend, things turned 180 degrees. . . I meet them and instantly became my friends. . . for the last time, I had a so-called “best friend.” May tinawag na naman ako na best friend after Grace’s early demise. It was during those days na na-feel ko ang pagiging adolescent ko. . . I enjoyed by teenage life. . . but what happened? Kailangan bang dumating sa time na magkakawatak-watak pa kami? And who’s fault? MINE!

Well, hindi naman talaga nagkawatak-watak ang grupo namin. . . it was I who decided to detach with them. . . it was my choice! And my choice alone. . . sa sobra ko kasing kakaingat sa mga kaibigan ko, caring for them so that no one would dare to hurt them, nasasaktan ko na pala sila. . . I’m becoming the person I’m guarding them for. . . tama na yung masaktan kami sa pagkawala ng isang kaibigan na tinitingala namin bilang isang KUYA. . .

Shit! Hindi ko talaga maintindihan ang sarili ko ngayon! I feel not like myself!

Basta, I’m confused! The only thing that I’m not confused right now is the fact na talagang hindi ko magawang kalimutan ang mga taong pilit kong kinakalimutan. . . I miss my friends! A lot!

Kanina, while having some good times with my classmates, I can’t help but reminisce about the good times my friends and I shared. . . yeah, I should be happy because I’m back in the student government. . . but it won’t be the same again with out my friends. . . my best friend. . . my kuya. . . it would never be the same happy faces that I will see in the college board. . . new faces. . . new personalities. . . though almost every thing is new, its still the same old brand new me! I’m still looking back at the past. . . haunted by my past. . . I was hurt. . . but trying not to be hurt. . . no one is actually hurting me but my self. . .

Ako lang naman ang nananakit sa sarili ko eh. . . ako lang naman ang taong nagbibigay ng hinanakit sa sarili ko. . . kaya lang naman ako nasasaktan kasi nagpapaka praning ako sa mga bagay-bagay. . . napaka self-centered ko kasi. . .

Squall, wake up na nga! This is the real world. . . you’re living in a fantasy. . . hindi lahat ng gusto moh, magkakatotoo. . . hindi lahat ng bagay, aayon sa kagustuhan moh! Sometime, you need to feel alone and expect mo na din na hindi lahat ng tao magugustuhan ugali moh. . . live with it. . . that’s the reality!

Silence

His life is on the verge of becoming silent after one year. And the silent she falls in love with him from another world. The hands of destiny are pulling on her and him, but what binds them closer together is the young and beautiful memories.

The story begins during the year when Wei Yi is 15 years old. Due to an accident, Qi Wei Yi, who has everything in this world, was sent to the only hospital in a village. During the boring recovery, Wei Yi accidentally discovers an underground air raid shelter in the old hospital. Through a secret passageway within the air raid shelter, he meets a Korean girl, two years younger than him, Zhao Shen Shen, who lost her voice due to an accident. Furthermore, a pure love develops from this meeting. However, due to a succession of mistakes and misunderstandings, Shen Shen and Wei Yi lost contact with each other.

Nine years later, Wei Yi is faced with a very busy business profession and bears the burden of his parents' expectation for him to take over the business. A life that has never encountered any difficult situations made him into a dazzling and confident person. One day, Wei Yi, dismissed a senior employee easily and without any second thoughts. Unexpectedly, the next day, a mute girl and a gangster type guy came to him to seek justice! Wei Yi never imagined that the mute girl is Zhao Shen Shen from nine years ago.

Because of Shen Shen's sense of justice, she left behind a profound impression and favorable feelings on Wei Yi. Under the pulling of fate, these two people meet time and time again. Even though they would fight over minor things each time, but seeing the way that Shen Shen use sign language causes Wei Yi to feel that life is filled with beauty! And her meetings with Wei Yi have become an interesting interlude within Shen Shen's silent life.

At this time, "misfortune" suddenly falls onto Wei Yi. The doctor confirms that Wei Yi has liver cancer and has only one year left to live. Suddenly, Wei Yi remembers an agreement. Nine years ago, he and Shen Shen buried a time capsule together and agreed to open it in ten years…

Without any hesitation, Wei Yi breaks off his engagement with his fiancé, and goes to the place where he and Shen Shen agreed on. As the god of death approaches Wei Yi, fate arranges for him and Shen Shen to reunite! Zhao Shen Shen turns out to be the mute girl.

Wei Yi, whose life is coming to an end, decides to hide his identity. Yet he starts to change bit by bit because of Shen Shen. For Shen Shen, he will happily live the remainder of his 365 days. However, Wei Yi's father, Zhen Yang, is furious over the fact that Wei Yi is changing and all because of an unknown mute girl. He decides to step in personally and settled this obstacle. In order to protect Shen Shen, Wei Yi promises Zhen Yang that he will return to Taiwan to accept treatment. On the day that Wei Yi leaves Da Lian, Shen Shen accidentally finds out that Wei Yi is her love from nine years ago. She finds out that Wei Yi only has one year to live! The love that is suppressed deep inside Shen Shen's heart completely bursts forth! - from Joy State

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Qi Wei Yi is a guy who has everything in this world. The story begins from the year that he is 12 years old. Because he was the champion from a swimming competition, it brought about someone’s jealously and Wei Yi’s foot was broken due to this. He was hospitalized in a small hospital in a village where he first met Shen Shen. Shen Shen’s neighbor, Zuo Jun, dragged her along to skip classes and while they were roaming about, they got into a car accident. Unfortunately, this car accident caused Shen Shen to lose her ability to speak. Tragically, Shen Shen’s mother also died from a car crash at this time. Zuo Jun was feeling extremely guilty and swore that he will take care of Shen Shen for the rest of her life.

After finding out the terrible news of her mother’s death, Shen Shen hides herself in an air raid shelter and cries bitterly. Zuo Jun turns the hospital inside out like a mad man trying to find her but wasn’t able to. However this accident allowed Wei Yi and Shen Shen to meet. A secret place that belongs to the two of them. Henceforth, these two people’s destiny is changed. A pure love develops between the 12 year old Shen Shen and Wei Yi. At this time, Wei Yi didn’t know that Shen Shen couldn’t speak. On the day that Wei Yi is released from the hospital, he deeply hoped that Shen Shen could open her mouth and say “I like you.” Unfortunately, Shen Shen simply couldn’t open her mouth. To Wei Yi, it is because Shen Shen is shy and sad which is why she won’t open her mouth to speak. It never crossed his mind that Shen Shen is a girl who couldn’t speak.

The two of them made a promise to go and take a look at the secret future on the Christmas day when they are both 25 years old (the year 2006). Shen Shen has tried to call Wei Yi before yet she couldn’t utter any sounds. After a serious of misunderstandings, Shen Shen, who is living with the Zuo family, moves to a small town with Uncle Zuo due to his transfer to another job. From then on, Shen Shen and Wei Yi lose contact all together. When they are both 25 years old, a new development begins with these two people’s story… - from CTV

A real tear jerker Chinovela. . A Must Watch! If you're interested to watch, just tell me and I'll send you the complete episodes. . . File size for all the episodes is more or less 600 kb . . Well, you need WInAmp and an Internet Connection for you to be able to watch it. . . But mind you, its worth all the time. . .